Reflect on Chapters 4-6 of Messages and create a blog posting that identifies how you might use the information in these readings to improve your ability to communicate with sincerity and congruence. Think about instances where you have been exposed to incongruent messages and how you felt at those times.
In your blog, use specific situations that you recall and describe changes that you would make using the technical jargon of the chapters. The goal is for you to become a more powerful communicator by understanding these common problems and deploying strategies to overcome them.
There are six main characteristics of effective language. Effective language is concrete and specific, not vague and abstract; concise, not verbose; familiar, not obscure; precise and clear, not inaccurate or ambiguous; constructive, not destructive; and appropriately formal (Austin, 1962).
In reviewing the way we communicate, only 7 percent of our communication is expressed verbally (McKay, Davis & Fanning, 2009). That means that 93 percent of our communication is expressed in the way we say things and how we look when we say them.
The six elements of paralanguage are pitch, residence, articulation, tempo, volume, and rhythm. We must think about how are voice communicates things like trust, intelligence, and care. We want to make sure that our voice reflects what we want to say, and that it is congruent with the words we speak. We also want to make sure that our social kinetics, or by communication, align with what we are saying (McKay, Davis & Fanning, 2009). There are cultural differences in body language, just as much as there are in verbal communication. This leaves room for miscommunication (Searle, 1979). Is important to communicating all backgrounds so that people may understand why we communicate the way we do and to lessen miscommunication.
They say a picture paints a thousand words – and the same can certainly be said for gestures. We all subconsciously give away hints as to our true feelings, through our movements and gestures.
There are several universal movements that tend to be straight-forward.
Someone's arms crossed in front of their chest is one of the body language examples that indicate that one is being defensive. The body language meaning of crossed arms may also show disagreement with opinions and actions of other people with whom you are communicating (CBS News). The gesture of head nodding usually signifies agreement or bowing, a submissive gesture that shows one is going along with another person's opinions. For example, when I am presenting to an audience, I become more confident by seeing people nod, especially with audible "yes"s and humming (mm-hmm). Nail biting demonstrates nervousness, stress, or insecurity.
Chapter 6 the hidden agendas within communication. I would say I am guilty of the "I'm Good But You're Not", "I'm Tough" and "I Know It All" agendas (McKay, Davis & Fanning, 2009). I do not like to seem insecure in any situation. Unfortunately, at times the only way I can find to describe what I want is to describe how I show my wants to other people. This is sometimes come off as me saying, what you are doing is wrong, do it like I am doing it. Generally speaking, however, I do not concern myself with the decisions of other people when they do not affect me. However, a lot of people do ask me for my opinion and my only example usually involves how I do it. In regards to being tough, my background assumes that I would be more resilient than others in most situations, however, I do find it difficult to deal with injustice and discrimination. I may be resilient, but my experiences are completely different than those I have faced as an adult. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed by the things I am a part of (Austin, 1962), as noted in the text, the "don't attack me or I'll cut you up" approach is standard when people try to point out that I may be wearing myself out. Alas, be I know it all agenda is very much in line with the "I'm Good but You're Not" agenda. I will look into becoming more of a person who can acknowledge the strength people have within answer use those rates as examples to do better instead of using my own examples and encouraging them to do as I do. I will also try to be less defensive while still being open and interested and what other people have to say and teach me.
References
CBS News. Body language: 23 must-know moves. Accessed at http://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/body-language-23-must-know-moves/
McKay, M., Davis, M., & Fanning, P. (2009). Messages: the
Communication Skills Book (3rd edition). Oakland, CA: New
Harbinger Publications
Searle, John R. (1979). Expression and Meaning: Studies in the Theory of Speech
Acts. New York: Cambridge University Press
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